Parenting Through the Storm
Hi fellow brainstormers,
If you’re reading this after another heavy day, I want you to know that you’re not alone.
I, too, carry umbrellas—even when there isn’t a cloud in the sky, even when the weatherman told me not to.
The thing about weathermen is that they’re not always right. Sometimes the experts, parenting books, well-meaning friends, and even our own expectations predict sunny skies when we’re actually facing a storm.
I think many of us start parenting with a picture in our minds of how things are supposed to go. We imagine children who follow directions, sit quietly in shopping carts, and move through the world with ease.
And yet, I find myself watching moms with perfectly groomed children who sit contentedly in their shopping carts, wondering what I’m doing wrong.
Meanwhile, my child throws limes as people pass by and falls apart when I won’t get another donut after he threw his on the ground.
Not All Storms Are Bad
For a long time, I kept wondering why nothing seemed to work the way everyone said it should.
Until I realized something important: not all storms are bad. Sometimes they are simply information. And sometimes, when we stop fighting the storm, we can learn so much just by waiting for it to pass.
So just for this moment, what if we saw our children differently?
Maybe they aren’t giving us a hard time.
What if they are having a hard time?
What if their storm is a hurricane, not a rain shower or a light drizzle?
For many children with ADHD, Autism, or AuDHD, emotions can feel bigger, louder, and harder to manage than they do for other children. Their nervous systems are often working overtime to process information, manage transitions, tolerate discomfort, and navigate a world that isn’t always designed for neurodivergent brains.
Unfortunately, many of the behaviors that come from overwhelm are often misunderstood and criticized.
What looks like defiance may actually be anxiety; laziness may actually be executive dysfunction.
What looks like manipulation may actually be a child whose nervous system is overwhelmed.
That doesn’t mean all behavior is acceptable. Children still need boundaries, accountability, and guidance. But understanding what’s underneath behavior changes how we respond to it.
One of the most important truths I want families to hold onto is this:
All feelings are allowed. Not all behaviors are.
A child can be furious and still not be allowed to hit, overwhelmed and still need to leave the store.
A child can be disappointed and still hear “no.”
Validation is not the absence of boundaries. It is helping a child feel understood before we ask them to do something difficult.
Imagine how much easier it is to solve a problem when someone first says:
“I can see this is really hard for you.”
Feelings are information. They are not facts, and they are not in charge. Our role is to help children understand what those feelings mean, what their bodies are telling them, and what to do next.
Parenting With Connection Before Correction—Not Instead of It.
High empathy paired with high expectations gives children with brain differences the best chance to thrive.
Children can only learn when they feel safe and regulated. Often, the fastest way to help regulate a sensitive nervous system is through another calm, regulated nervous system—one that is on their side and grounded in connection.
We make the greatest impact when we are aligned with the child against the problem, not aligned against the child.
Our children don’t need us standing under umbrellas telling them to join us. They need us to step into the storm with them—soaking wet, present, and steady—until they can begin to learn how to use their own umbrella.
Children with brain differences are often caught in storms they didn’t choose. Beneath the anger, tears, shutdowns, and meltdowns is often a single question:
“Will you stay with me until this passes?”
The answer to that question can shape a lifetime.
Until next time,
Keep weathering the storm.